How to deal with change, or a lack of it


When we fear change, what is it that we’re really fearing? It’s surely not the process of evolving or upgrading to something new and different? Rather, it’s the fear that we’ll either lose something or end up worse off. We fear the possibility of suffering.

We always think we know best, don’t we? We think that we have the best idea about what’s good for us. If we take a good look at our lives, we think we’ve got it down. Everything around us might be looking all right – dare I say comfortable – and at these points change is unwelcome. If everything feels comfortable, why would we want to rock the boat?

In these circumstances, change is often shunned. We hold on so dearly with clutching little claws to that which we have, because after all we know best. We don’t want any nasty surprises creeping up and biting us in the behind.

Other times, perhaps we feel stagnant. Taking a look at your life reveals people and circumstances that are less than favourable. If this is the case, change could perhaps be just what it is you’re craving. Something new and shiny and exciting. Yet the change doesn’t come. You keep wishing so badly for something to turn your world upside down, yet all stays level. Every day is exactly the same.

Above I describe two very different situations. In the first, the person is happy with the way things are. They don’t want things to change, because the risk it’ll be for the worse outweighs the chances that it’ll be for the better. Sure, there’s the chance that life could improve in a way that he or she hardly thought possible, but isn’t it better to stick with what you know and what’s all right rather than risk total turbulence?

The second person is bored or suffering and yearning for change to shake things up a bit. They need new stimulation. They feel like they’ve got nothing to lose and so they’re willing to go face-to-face with whatever is thrown at them, because least of all they’ll have a challenge. Best case scenario they’ve got their dreams coming true.

We tend to fluctuate between these two states of mind. It’s only natural for us to want things to stay the same when we’re cruising the peaks of life and chase change when sinking in the troughs. And it’s because we always think we know best.

I’m not here to talk about God or the mystical powers of the universe. But I am here to discuss our thought patterns. I’ve seen in my own life how thinking can be either completely destructive or utterly beneficial to my mood. I’ve experienced dramatic changes in external circumstances and trauma – just like any of you reading this – but ironically the times I felt the worst were when from the outside everything looked good. It was the times that I couldn’t pinpoint a reason to feel so awful that I felt the most darkness. It all came down to my thinking habits. And that’s exactly what our thinking is: a habit. Some habits are good, others detrimental.

What I’ve learned is that the only times we suffer are when we feel like what we are experiencing should not be happening. It really is as simple as that. So with the first person in my example above, he feels as though he’s got a grip on his life. He feels like everything around him is right and should be happening because he feels OK experiencing it all each day. Any change surely should not happen to disturb that?

With the second person, he looks around at his life and is experiencing that which is unwanted and so he shouts up at the universe that ‘surely this should not be happening!’ and pleads for change.

Whether you believe you’re here to stumble onto a particular path or not is entirely your own prerogative, but you can’t argue with the fact that we’re all here to learn. That’s why we place such emphasis on education and doing stuff. But the thing is that some of the stuff we need to learn to get us from A to B (B being a place where we can do our best work) includes some hardship – some pain. And this arises from change.

If we stay in the comfort bubble, we’re never growing. We must face new situations to learn about the world and ourselves. This is from where inspiration stems. And curiosity. It’s how we discover those niches that call to us. Individuals we are, and so it takes some excavation to find the niche that feels the most compatible. It’s how we learn what we’re good at. And it’s how we connect to others; through shared experience and understanding.

I now try my best to approach trying situations with the mentality that whatever is happening, needs to happen. And one up from that even: whatever is happening will benefit me. We’re always so adamant about needing all the evidence, but suppose for a moment that you simply accepted that there are things you don’t know and will never know. The strange workings of the universe being one of them.

Doesn’t it take some pressure off, at least? Doesn’t accepting that your current situation is serving you feel good? I’m not talking about settling for that which is unwanted or giving up on your goals and dreams, but instead of feeling like you’re hitting your head against a brick wall 60 times a minute, consider that you’re gaining something from all this.

So when unwanted change is thrown at you: know in your heart that it needed to happen and that you will find a way through it. You always do. And if change simply isn’t coming, know that it’s because you’ve still not learned your lesson yet, do start paying attention.


Photo: Flickr




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